Jessica’s Story: Caring for My Mother

At some point in college, almost every student gets the flu, a cold, or some illness that makes them want to curl up in bed and have their mom take care of them. The reversal of roles when you’re taking care of your mom can therefore be a somewhat bizarre situation. Even worse when it’s not a flu, but instead a life-and-death situation, and there’s no end in sight. During each summer of college, I went home to help take care of my mother as she struggled with the complications from a bone marrow transplant. For the first summer, I was happy to take care of her and help out my family, who were struggling with caregiving and meeting other responsibilities. The second summer, I was disappointed that I couldn’t stay in Ann Arbor and hang out with my friends. By the third summer, I was resentful, angry, and thus guilt-ridden for hating being at home. During the school year, I was still being called upon to help the family, visit the hospitals, talk to doctors, and coordinate care. While my friends got drunk dialed at 2:30 in the morning, my 2:30 calls were to tell me my mom was in the hospital. I simultaneously wanted to go home, help my family out, and care for my mom; yet I also wanted my freedom, my college experience, and my life. I felt guilty that I didn’t have to experience the day-to-day caregiving activities, but I hated being constantly pulled back. I felt like I couldn’t work on school, and I felt guilt for going out with my friends. Whether you’re living at home or at school, caregiving takes over your life. It dominates your tasks, your thoughts, and your emotions. Yet while a part of me was miserable as a caregiver, when I think of those summers, I often think of summer mornings, walking with my mother, hearing her stories about high school crushes, career experiences, and views of the world. Caregiving thrust a whole different relationship onto me, and my resentment is always tempered by being grateful for the opportunity.