Self Esteem
PLEASE NOTE: The information in this web site is not intended as a substitute for medical or mental health care advice.
Understanding How You Feel About Yourself
The National Association for Self-Esteem defines self-esteem as, “The experience of being capable of meeting life’s challenges and being worthy of happiness.” Without a doubt, at some point in our college experience, we will question some aspect of our appearance, second guess our ability to perform well, doubt our relationship, or want to improve something we feel has gone awry in our life. Our ability to replace these negative thoughts with positive ones, persevere through difficult situations with self-assurance and a sense of personal satisfaction, and tell ourselves that we are deserving of happiness is a measure of our self-esteem.
What is Self-Concept, and how is it different from Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is initially acquired through two main sources:
- how others treat us now/how we have been treated in the past, and
- what others tell us/have told us about ourselves.
As college/graduate students approaching adulthood, our self-esteem is largely based on two sources of self:
- our perceived self: who we think we are
- our ideal self: who we think we ought to be
Self-Esteem: How Does it Add Up?
The difference that exists for each of us between the perceived self and the ideal self can be a measure of our self-esteem; If the difference is small, our self esteem is high; but as the gap widens, our self-esteem drops. Sufficient amounts of self-esteem will enable us to act in our own best interests. Low or no self-esteem, however, may cause us to feel overwhelmed, anxious, less than others, depressed, unlovable, etc.
Turning it Around
Sometimes realizing our worth seems a goal beyond our reach. Correcting what we feel is wrong with us will not change how we feel about ourselves or make us magically approve of ourselves. Self-worth does not require “doing” or “being” more; being an all “A” student; always being “nice” no matter how people treat us; losing weight, having a significant relationship; never becoming angry; etc. Self-worth requires inner-acceptance and approval. If self-approval is not there, meaning we allow our self-worth to depend solely on our accomplishments, on our relationships, or on the approval of others, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment. Admittedly, approval from others will feel great in the moment; however, in the long-run, if and when the external approval, attention, or interest from others stops or fails to meet our needs, we can be left feeling less worthy than we did initially.
In other words, no outside source (especially other people’s opinions about you or your accomplishments) can bring self worth and self value.
When to Get Help
Working with a mental health counselor can provide a safe, nurturing environment where you can really explore this issue of low self-esteem. With the help of a mental health professional, you can begin to learn how respecting, cherishing, and liking yourself can greatly enrich your sense of purpose in the world, deepen your interactions with others, and improve your relationships.
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